Navigations are at the top
ABOUT {what i've}
LINKS {been looking for}
TAG {all this time}
bold italic underline link
i feel pathetic. miserable. lost. and out of place.
no doubt, the in-class tests are driving me mad, and with the time ticking each sec, i get even more paranoid. today i finally took the effort to attend the macro tutorial, which is good coz it made me realize the consequences of sleeping through the lecture classes. my absence in tutorial classes just makes it even worse, somehow. so i talked to my lecturer, asking him if i could join the afternoon group instead of my usual 9am session. i know myself better than anyone else. i'd definitely continue skipping the tutorial classes if i kept thing as it was. no, i cant afford to miss any class ANYMORE!
dad would be very upset to know this ugly truth. oh well, we're talking about joyce. the fucked up daughter of his. though i hate to admit the fact that i'm as bad as people think, at one point i just had to face the truth and accept it. i'm FUCKED UP!
FYI...my dad just sms me asking how things have been going. i called back and pretended as if i was alright. he said he would send me some money, but i told him i've got more than enough to spend. i dun wanna make him feel bad, knowing what position i've put him into ever since i came here. we ain't rich, so i'm trying my best not to add anymore burden to his shoulder. i've got a job at sports direct tho, but without the national insurance number i have to forgo it. saddening isn't it?
sumtimes i wonder if i'm really that unlucky or i'm just so bad that even god's unwilling to help me out.
it's 6.30 in the mornin, and am still awake. looks like my sleeping disorder has somehow turned worse. gahhhh... it's a bad habit i know, trust me i've tried to curb the problem, but tonight, i just cant sleep. i dun wanna slp. because i dun wanna see time pass so soon. i dun wanna see u leave the house with ur luggages. i dun wanna see u walk away from my life. i just can't do that.
2.5 years of relationship means too much to me. it breaks my heart to see us end things up this way. it's been a fact now that we're no longer an item. no matter how hard i try to forget the promises we made, the bitter-sweet memories we once had, i still have to face this ugly truth. you're no longer mine. perhaps deep down inside we still love each other, we know we can't patch things back anymore.
whatever it is, i just want you to know that i've never regretted coming here for you. i've never once regretted loving you.
Today, I told him I wanted to break up.
I thought things got better, and I smiled for some reasons. But today, I'm mad at you AGAIN. Why is it so difficult for you to be supportive of what I like and I think of doing? I told you I wanted hair extensions, and I'd be happy if u could just follow me to the saloon to get it done. And why is it so hard for you to come along? You could spend the entire day playing WOW but when i asked u to keep me accompanied, u rejected, coz u think it might take up lots of ur time. silly me!
I should have gone to Australia. Perhaps I would be a happier person, without strings attached. Times like that just make me feel like walking away. I wanna run in fact. Run away from your life, like you've never existed in mine.
But I cant, coz i'm just a human with mixed feelings.
The 3 guys are out again, without me. This is my 3rd time choosing to be at home alone. Whats the point of going out with people whom you don't even click? I may be with you for more than 2 years now, but i still think our lifestyles don't coordinate. YOU and your game buddies could sit in front of the pc 24 hrs without having to eat, bathe or slp, but sorry, that's not what I want for my life. YOU can be a boring and lifeless person, but you definitely cant turn me into one as well. I tried to fix the broken pieces. I want the both of us to have a future. and so i came all the way to study in the UK, for our sake, yet u for whatever reason, vanished my dream.
I used to think love is the greatest thing of all, and i still agree, coz i know my parents' love towards me is unconditional. I've never realized how important i am them, until I left my home. And today, i rang my dad up and cried over the phone, telling him how sad i felt all these while. He was supportive, in fact he always was. He told me just do what makes me happy, and if money can solve the problem, it will not be a problem at all. Mum too, sent an email just to tell me she'd be thr whenever i need her. she never stops praying for her little girl, and for that, I feel blessed.
I dunno if i'd smile again, but when i do, i noe it's not because of u.
I'll be homeless for a week. can u imagine that? the landlord informed us to move out today, just when we were halfway cooking the dinner! crap. we weren't even prepared for it since the new house is yet to be available. luckily edmund's housemates have all moved out, hence mr bf and i will be stayin over at his place for the time being. the thought of moving house twice makes me sick. apart from our luggages, we have alot of plastic bags filled with stuffs, some of them are dirty clothes which we haven't washed for weeks. how miserable! besides, i cant unpack my clothes and i wonder how im gonna change as all my clothes are squeezed in the luggage bags. omg i really wanna cry. i definitely didn't see this coming...not until today. how i wish 12th of sept would arrive in juz a blink of eyes.. i cant imagine myself suffering throughout the week. can no longer bathe in our very own private bathroom..argh! im not used to sharing bathroom with ppl, never mind gotta share the same toilet! FUCKKK IT. can some1 pls tell me what to do? you thr, god? =(
Greetings from the UK!!! Yes yes Im still alive, unlike my blog. hehe. Not sure if anybody still reads it but still i wanna say..HI !
It's been a while I know. Sorry for late updates as I was pretty bz with college and now that it's over, I'm back to my omg-so-boring-life again.
In case you don't know, Im living in Hatfield, a small town near London. it's about 20 mins by train, very NEAR. but that doesn't mean life is fun and all that. I barely even head down to London since it always costs me a bomb. sumtimes it could even reach 100 pounds. Don't ask my why. I guess the stores just attract me with the big discounts. LOL. Imagine I could get a Gap tank top for 1.99 pounds. how awesome!
Time flies so quickly that I never actually realized this is already my 4th month here in the UK. I miss home everyday. I miss seeing my family, and I wonder when we can meet again. Next summer seems long way to go, Im dreading to go home. I used to think life abroad was so much better and I always wanted to leave asap. Now that Im here, I wanna go home so badlt. How ironic situations can be at times... but really, I'd do anything just to be home. If given a choice I'd stay in Penang, as thr's where home is, and thr's where my heart stays. Ah.. let's just pray I'll get my passport back soon so I can start booking the air tickets. *fingers crossed*
And in case u're curious if I met any charming-lookin british guy, no I haven't. But I did see 1 cute guy working as a waiter in a restaurant. ok, i used to think he was cute but after all the racism and shitz, i changed my mind. hah. mr bf on the other hand, spotted 1 hot china girl who looks like fan bing bing (a famous china celebratiy). i noticed he spends most of his time lookin at other girls instead of me. his biggest obsession would be hot british girls with long legs and big boobs. I wonder why he picked me, as im totally the opposite of such kind. ah....truth hurts.
Btw, I'll be moving to my new apartment on 12th of sept. It's a 4-bed-room apartment, which means I'll be living with 3 men, 1 of them being mr bf. My friends asked why we don't share the same room to reduce expenses, oh well.. sometimes we just need our very own privacy. I reckon having my own room means FREEDOM. afterall, it's a single bed we're toking about here. he's kinda sick of me kickin his ass in the middle of the night throughout these 3 months, never mind snetching his only blanket. HAH. winter's coming anyway, we'll all gotta keep ourselves warm.
I cant wait to move out. our current housemate (yes just that 1 particular guy) is driving me mad. He secretly drank our apple juicy and milk, and used our utensils without washing them. so i got back on him. I poured his pepper and curry powder onto his uncleaned rice cooker, and used up his oil to fry salmon. i dun care if he knows I did it, at least I know I should stand up for myself and not let anybody bully me like b4.
gtg. it's 20 mins to 1am. have to go to uni tmr to attend the student guide meeting. got myself this part-time job (approx 2 weeks or less). it's ok, at least i could earn some money even though it's not even enough to cover my expenses.
oh god,pls bless me with a permanent part-time job. i need it badly. i mean it.
P.S. went to Bristol to visit Sabrina and her housemates on sunday. we then headed to bath the next day. money spent, with no regretz. lol.
